Is it any wonder that President Barack Obama has such a large and loyal following? After all, who else has ever had the capability of providing the wonderful array of government services that Obama plans to offer? Who else could ever unilaterally transform the entire world from a hostile and belligerent place to a harmonious and cooperative conglomeration of benevolent and compassionate nations? Who in the past has managed to inspire millions of young people to envision a world devoid of the senseless problems created and nurtured by their parents and grandparents? No one has ever been able to effect these changes throughout history but Obama’s enthusiastic supporters are fully confident that he can do it with the help and support of a Democrat supermajority in Congress. The expectations of Obama are high- probably the highest bar ever set for an American President.

 Barack Obama has captivated large numbers of Americans with his promises of a new America. Universal health care will give all Americans  (and a lot of non-Americans, too) access to high-quality, free health care that will actually save the country money as it reels in runaway health care costs under the private sector. Everyone will be healthy and equal and unburdened by concerns over medical care.   

 Obama’s energy policy will virtually eliminate our dependence on energy imports as we shift our economy to wind and solar power. Carbon emissions will disappear and the sea levels will recede and polar bears will live free of the threat of drowning. By dismantling the fossil fuel industries, he will have eliminated the oppression and pollution brought on by these purveyors of evil who have victimized the world for so long. Wind and solar will employ millions and millions of citizens and they’ll never run out and they’ll never pollute our planet and we’ll all get our power from these sources at practically no cost to anyone.

  Anyone who cares to better themselves will have full access to a free college education and all that will be required of them will be a couple of years of government service doing something we’re not quite sure of yet but you can bet it’ll be just great for the country and the world.  These new college grads will inevitably secure good, high-paying jobs and poverty will virtually melt away.  Anyone experiencing any kind of financial difficulty will have free access to government assistance to see them through without all of the onerous restrictions and limitations of the past. We’ll have the most highly educated and productive citizenry in the world because they won’t have to worry about hardship and there won’t be medical bills or pollution to worry about either.  

Twelve to fifteen million undocumented workers will enjoy a path to citizenship that will be quick and fair and they will become loyal American citizens in no time, surely supporting the flawless policies that allowed them to come out of the shadows and join their fellow Americans as ‘citizens of the world’. All people of all races will live in peace and harmony, showing mutual respect as we build a color-blind society that barely even recognizes that there are any cultural differences amongst us because all of our cultures are equally important and valuable.

 With so many people so highly educated and learning to respect each other’s cultures, there will obviously be a massive drop in the crime rate. With crime no longer a problem, there will be no need for guns or prisons and we can convert those industries into something worthwhile like more windmills or solar panels or cultural appreciation centers. Former criminals can be employed at the free universities making large salaries lecturing on how Obama has solved all of the country’s problems at virtually no cost by simply making these few little adjustments that virtually anyone with a brain supports unquestionably.

 Foreign enemies will cease to exist as America shows its new-found respect for all nations and cultures. By admitting that we are not and never have been any better than anyone else and that most everything done in the name of the US before Obama was wrong-headed war-mongering, our enemies will surely see that we are not to be feared or loathed. They will lay down their arms in order to accept the aid that we send them to solve all of their problems in the same manner we solved all of ours. With our enemies pacified and brought into the Obama fold, we will no longer have any use for armed forces. Of course the hundreds of billions that will be saved by dismantling defense can be used to enrich the poor or can be donated to the UN to begin the implementation of one world government that will be just and fair. America can take her place alongside Albania and Antigua as equals.

 All citizens of the world will intuitively know to stay within bounds of WWOD (what would Obama do?) For this reason, all pollution and hostility and angry words and dirty looks will stop. No one will go to bed hungry or wonder where they’ll get money for things they want and need. There will be no lack of information about what government services are available because the government will always be there to see the citizenry through every phase of their lives. No one will stumble and fall because everyone else will be there to catch them on the way down and set them back on their feet. Since every child will have been raised by a village, everyone will know and love and respect everyone else.

 Everyone will have their own room where there will be kittens and rainbows and unicorns and all the free ice cream and cotton candy you ever want.

 Oh, and the Democratic Party will be the only one allowed to exist and people who disagree with The One’s teachings will sort of just disappear.